Sunday, 20 October 2013

How to have sex at work and not get caught

A friend once told me sex with a workmate is a "very good idea until its a very bad idea".Funny I should think about sex at work considering am jobless now.Its actually my 3rd day as a jobless man *For the record its not something I would do*

With lots of time spent at work writing reports and meeting deadlines,sometimes along the way we look at that hot colleague and wonder.WHAT IF?

If shit gets real,here are a few tips to keep your amorous behind off summary dismisal and in the payrol.

1: Do it in your bosses office(If you doing it with the boss then start sending job applications as well).If not,pop in with your colleague when the boss is out for lunch.There is less traffic at the bosses office which limits your chances of getting caught plus its a taboo place which adds to the excitment .Ever wondered why those big boss chairs are built for optimal support and reliabiility?(Now you know)

2:If your boss is a workaholic,take it to the toilet,its a nasty place to do the nasty.

3: You can only go a single round as a matter of principle.Its a stolen moment remember.

3: Dress for sex, meaning clothes that go on and off quickly.
Going commando saves a lot of time.

4: However good the sex,NO MOANING.It limits your chances of getting caught with your pants down.Literally,and save you from experiencing the big type coitus interruptus.

5: Clean up Don’t return to your desk without freshening up. Be sure to check your clothes for dead giveaways like inside-out blouses and missed buttons.

6: Dont tell anyone,even your best friend at work.For men you can share it with the stranger at the bar or the bartender at your local and earn yourself "one on the house"

Thursday, 24 November 2011

I'd love to kill you

I'd love to kill you with a kiss
I'd like to strike you down with bliss
I'd like to tie you up in knots
Until your heart stops
I'd love to kill you with a glance
I'd like to put you in a trance
I'd like to drug you with my scent
And use you in the moment, ooh
I'd love to kill you as you eat
The pleasure would taste so sweet
I'd like to open up your skin
And wander there within
I'd love to kill you by a stream
Where no one can hear my baby scream
And then I'd run away and be free
The sweetest victory, ooh
I love to watch you in your sleep
'Cause you don't have power over me
And when you're awake I'm undone
Under you spell in hell, ooh-katie melua

Wednesday, 23 November 2011

"God is great".Really?

Traditionally am not a very religious man.Well that gives me the balls to be the question guy,and of late I at a disagreement with Islam.

There are things that always gets you around asking questions.The coward, villains who stuck up a stick/knife up gaddafis ass before putting a bullet through his head all shouted "Allah is great".Really? When did it become a religious act to stick up daggers up peoples asses.

For everyones sake next time you do a crime,or you got some daggers to stick ,sing a victory song,curse,or start counting your virgins when you finally martyred but just keep Gods name out of your bullshit!

The beiberling invasion of twitter

I once met Mcdonald mariga in the washrooms and shook his hands before washing my own and that earned me bragging rights,and I have also been told I looked like tyrese at times its djimon hounsu and believe me I got alot of material out of the latter,but am also among the first twitter users in kenya though I was never active,never been.
Back then,even oprah never tweeted,barrack obama had 12 followers(slight exxergeration,but you get the picture)and justin beiber was probably an embryo
Hobos have sinced invaded twitter with sickening effect much to my see children and you adult black american thug wannabies ,we could all have some fun together with less,bitch,fuck,pussy,cum and the kind.Do I get to remind you,that its not a dating site or your avarage mama pima -brothel look- alike place.its a microblogging site,we love personal stuff,honesty is a nice touch,dont just retweet stuff ,you got your own wired grey mass, spread it out please.Learn from old timers,The regular guys who made up the handful of us kenyans who first embraced twitter,kinds of @coldtusker,@intelligensia,@kenyapundit,@Roomthinker who has very interesting tweets that am sure pass in the geek world as good humour,I always afford an excruciating grin at his tweets,to be specific,his sense of humour,@Alykhansatchu who has some of the most boring tweets that ever appeared on timelines,a very fun and interesting man in person though ,these people dont walk around tweeting black american slang and cursing or marvelling at paris hilton's sextape,they speak their minds and thats what we want to hear or rather read.
To the newbies,kizaki kipyas ,its microblogging not curse mongering and please I dont give a hoot whether justin beiber is knocking up grannies backstage or kim kardashian is getting divorced,I could use some info on De Niro's latest movie ,some nice cartoon episode,something funny and for the record rape is never funny,you dont crack such jokes and if you are a fella just man up,no O.M.Gs and lols.A hahaha keeps my eyebrows down.Am all for a fun twitter,thats what am all for.


I like real estate,like to talk about it too even wierder ask around about it,and this time I just had to ask over the fence.
Not many have noticed but a massive project is underway behind Kenyatta university,a city actually thats complete with office blocks,shopping malls,industrial parks and posed to house over 62000 residents and eveb rumours of a super-stadium.
Dubbed Tatu city ,a brainchild of the vegetable oil executive Vimal shah,former Kenya central bank chief turned preacher Nahashon nyaga and coffee farmer steven mwagiru,the trio who cotrol a consolidated 50% stake in the project rest being in firm hands of Moscow based Renaissance capital,with cost estimation amounting to over 240 billion kenya shillings.
With kenyas housing demand at over 150000 units a year and local contractors only able to provide a fraction of that,your gaze on the viability of this project is as good as mine
Question is,Are we in a housing bubble? And how prepare are the final institutions when it goes burst?

Tuesday, 22 November 2011

No nukes

Iran-US relations is said to have had its pivotal episode during the Iran hostage crisis,when CIA restored Shah to power through a coup.
Since then,the differences have moved to the nuclear front,with Tehran determined to get a nuke,something that does not go down well with America and Israel,its all like a big boys club,with the old vibe of we got it,but you cant get it because we wont let you,but naturally everyone wants a piece of the coolness and thats where Mahmoud ahmedienjad pops in,claiming his piece of elite coolness.
In a world of possibilities no country should own a nuke,that calls for Russia and America to sign a nuclear destruction pact with China aboard(of course the American bitches like Britain will always say yes) and then be of the vibe that we have a world free of nuclear weapons and you dont follow rules we bomb your ass back to stone-edge,because obviously the International atomic energy agency is sleeping on the job.

Or rather block international access to Iran's central bank which theoriticaly brings its massive oil trade to a halt,but this has far reaching consequences in global supply shortage and world economy.
With most sanctions requiring approval of security council its always not easy convincing the veto wielders(Russia and China) that an Iran with a nuclear weapon is a danger to world peace and the old senile tactic of applying pressure with held fingers of tehran getting back to the negotiating table is stale,cyclic and annoying and the world needs to understand that nuclear proliferation is an issue serious enough for the world to pay a price.

Nobody wants the euros anymore

Finally saif Al gaddafi has been captured alive with chopped fingers,but atleast cooler than having a stick stuck on your rear and a bullet on the head. lucky shot for him considering his father was allegedly sodomised with a stick before being summarily executed

The goblin of the moment is one Mr Hotmani(read-hot money).You see saif offered this guy a cool million million euros to get the playboy across the border,he cuts a deal then halfway realises that saif has more weapons on board than cash,fearing possible assasination at the border he tips him off,then comes out in public and now is being called a hero and that kind of stuff. Some tell please tell him that a milillion euros does buy heroism in Vegas.
The national transition council(NTC) promptly announced the reward of the commander who led saif's capture Mr Osama Al-Jawali(maybe with relation to bin laden) by appointing him defence minister.Now those are the kind of decisions that keep libyans up at night.But who cares Mr.sarkozy has negotiated a clear 36% of libyan oil,Cameron has negotiated another for BP and Obama is in on the deal.Whether post gaddafi libya is peaceful or not,oil still flows to the west and the demunitive french french bruni lover has sealed his place for re-election.An impressive perfomance.
The NTC has made it clear they will seek death penalty for saif .With non-existent courts,fair trial is just happy talk,he is better off at the ICC.There the libyan people are ensured justice,saif a fair trial,and ocampo atleast one beefy bone,he needs it.